Authentically Different
Living an authentic life requires you to be open and honest about who you are. I’ve struggled with accepting the different aspects of myself for a long time, mainly because I’ve been told that I shouldn’t “be” so many things, that I should “just stick to one thing and do it well.”
Sadly, this isn’t my reality. I’ve always been the type of person who had a lot of interests. I went to business school because I knew I could get a job, not because I loved business (hence the reason I didn’t commit to anything specific, like Marketing or Accounting). I tried to remain as broad as possible so that I didn’t pigeon-hole myself into something that I would get stuck in.
Below is a post about a difficult time I experienced in business from my blog Carhartts and Heels. I hope that by sharing this story you can see another facet of who I am as a business owner and where my ethics and respect for myself come into play.
Today, I Quit.
Today, I quit.
And not in an “I give up” quit. But in an “I honor myself too much to stay” kind of quit.
And it’s ok. I’m ok. I’ll be ok.
The past four months have been the hardest of my professional life. I’ve been dealing with a very difficult client that cannot be satisfied: controlling, self-righteous, abusive and MEAN. Her erratic communication and frenetic energy was too much for my empathic body to handle. She had consumed my life in ways I never thought anyone could: I couldn’t sleep at night, replaying her words in my mind; I couldn’t breathe when her name would pop up on my phone screen; I dreaded walking into her home every day. I was a ball of nervous energy, literally trembling when I shared space with her. I was short with my kids, didn’t dance for months (Latin dance has been a major source of stress release for me for a long time now) and quit going to the gym. I felt terrible about myself mentally and physically. It was just a really bad place to be and I was so pissed at myself for letting her have that power.
No matter what I did, it wasn’t right. It wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t in line with my client’s ridiculous expectations. There was nothing more that I could do. Whether I stayed in this job for the next 6 months, miserable, or walked away today, the result would be the same: she’d be dissatisfied no matter what. And with my mental and emotional health on the line, I said fuck it. And I walked away.
I’m taking a professional risk here by airing my dirty laundry but I want to make a point that this type of behavior will not and should not ever be tolerated. As hard as it was for me and my big mouth to stay professional, I did it. I didn’t lose my cool, but I had to get the fuck out.
In the end, I know I did the best I could. I’m proud of my team for the work they did (they’re all fucking rockstars). And I know, in my heart of hearts, the truth of it all. And my soul is at peace with that.
Today, I put me first. I said enough is enough and I drew the line in the sand. I will not EVER put up with that kind of abuse from anyone: client, friend, boyfriend, stranger. And you shouldn’t either. It’s a shame that quitting has such negative connotations: we’re constantly inundated with the message that quitting is a sign of failure. That giving up is a cowardly choice. That throwing in the towel is sign of weakness. But I’ll tell you one thing, my friends: quitting could be the very best thing that ever happened to you.
I feel a tremendous sense of relief walking away from her and her toxicity. I am truly sad that I will not be finishing what I started: we were about 3 weeks away from being 80% complete. But I’m not going to regret it, I guarantee you.